that cheating heart

i've always been of the - perhaps naive - assumption that cheating is the single worst thing one person can do to another within a relationship. cheating robs the relationship of trust, loyalty, and comfort and plants seeds of doubt, guilt, and suspicion. i've always thought that cheating signified something fundamentally wrong with a relationship and that those who cheat, or entertain the idea of cheating, should focus on solving the problems in their relationship rather than avoiding their issues by hooking up with someone else. to me, cheating was the most hurtful act, one that was unforgivable in any circumstance.

that said, recently i've been hearing quite a few stories of infidelity and wondering if maybe my opinion is too antiquated, too harsh. these instances aren't just those of the stereotypical shithead guy who has no regard for his girlfriend and cheats without a second thought (though i know of a couple of these). these stories include girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives, single episodes and repeated hook-ups, done simply for fun, as a way to get attention, or to relieve the monotony of settling down.

so is it possible to cheat and really have no remorse or guilt? in the case of a man or woman who is dating someone seriously but isn't married, is it really that easy to have sex with other people on the side, the defense to that being that they see nothing wrong with it because they aren't married? and would he/she ever tell the significant other what's going on? of course not. so, doesn't that mean there is still some kind of guilt? or is it the thrill of getting away with it that drives this kind of cheating? do you really love someone if you're willing to cheat on them whenever the opportunity presents itself?

and for those who are in serious relationships or marriages, how much can one cheat and not feel compelled to come clean to their partner? are these the cases where the cheating signifies problems in the relationship rather than just a one-time mistake or someone single just trying to sow what's left of those wild oats? are there cases where cheating can actually revive the person who was feeling lost, bored, or unsatisfied and lead to improvements in the relationship? and what happens when and if the cheater confesses to their partner? how do you go about forgiving and repairing this kind of betrayal?

i'm only asking because it's been a very, very long time since i was in any sort of relationship and i'm wondering if, with adulthood and the responsibilities of relationships and marriage, the line between commitment and cheating becomes a little blurred. i still hold to the idea that i would not cheat and would expect not to be cheated on, but is it really so much easier said than done? i'd like to think that when/if i find the right guy, i won't have to worry about this, on his part or my own. but it makes me wonder....