VP of WHAT?

as i sat in the waiting area of the cook county courthouse yesterday awaiting my number to be called for the jury selection process, my fellow jurors and i were treated to the day's episode of the view. after one particular segment in which i thought for sure kathy griffin and baa baa waa waa were going to duke it out, the show went to a commercial break.

your typical, run-of-the mill feminine maxi pad commercial rolled and for the next 30 seconds my poor, bored-to-the-state-of-mush brain began to wonder who designs maxi pads. and more importantly, what is their job title? some examples i thought were fitting.....

Jane Doe, Senior VP of Leakage Prevention

John Doe, (right - as if these things are designed by a man, but i'm an equal opportunity smart ass)
Lead Project Manager, Protection Division

J. Doe, Sanitary Needs Director

J. Doe, Head Engineer, Pad Design Team

J. Doe, Absorption Specialist


i know, i know. why would i spend any amount of time actually thinking of these things?? i'll tell you why - because that's how much waiting for jury duty sucks. still, i'd love to meet someone who works for tampax or kotex or one of the other feminine hygiene companies and take a gander at their business card. i guess it's better than other jobs, though. like being a spooge mopper at a strip club. ew.