lately i've been mulling over the notion of settling when it comes to dating and relationships. not settling in the sense of "settling down" but the idea that when you're single and find yourself faced with a nice, attractive, fun person who is interested in you but with whom you don't really spark, is it "settling" to give the guy a chance and date him even without the crackling chemistry?
webster's defines the word "settle" as the following....
1 : to place so as to stay
2 a : to establish in residence b : to furnish with inhabitants :colonize
3 a : to cause to pack down b : to clarify by causing dregs or impurities to sink
4 : to make quiet or orderly
5 a : to fix or resolve conclusively b : to establish or secure permanently c : to conclude
6 : to arrange in a desired position
7 : to make or arrange for final disposition of
not necessarily the most helpful, that mr.webster. from the above definitions, i would assume that settling means a life of stability, permanence, repression, calm/boredom, contrived contentment, and finally death. and while some of these things such as stability, permanence, and even calm are quite positive traits to have in a relationship, there are so many things missing. from the definition above you certainly don't get any fun, excitement, change, variety, or surprises - the stuff new relationships are made of.
so what do we do? is it settling to date someone even if there's no spark? is finding a good, decent guy so difficult that we're trying to decide if we even need the spark? admittedly, the spark dies down after a while, but do we want to surrender ourselves to a relationship that doesn't even simmer? how important is the spark and is it better to just find a good guy and hang onto him, even if that means sacrificing the stomach-flipping, exhilarating, heart-stomping, electrifying attraction that we so rarely find, typically with the wrong person?
dating (or lack there of) blows.
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4 comments:
THANK YOU!!!! THAT IS MY TURMOIL!!!!
but you didn't provide me any direction. hopefully some random blogger will stumble upon your query & give us both an answer.
ho hum.
I think you can have both. You deserve to have both. However, I do think that sometimes too much emphasis is placed on the 'spark' and immediate physical attraction. Sometimes, even when you don't feel particularly attracted to soneone initially, some facet of their personality (once you've gotten to know them a bit better) often makes them more attractive and creates that spark.
So yes, I think you should give those who are 'good on paper' a chance if you think you'd like to know more about him and his personality. Because what you find out may very well give you the stomach flip but instead of being something that only happens in the beginning and fades with time, it will grow stronger everyday. A good man who treats you well can be a huge turn-on. ;-)
thanks sis. i agree completely. :)
once again, the younger sis is brilliant! i couldn't have said it better myself. and i definitely agree, because it describes how i felt and subsequently feel to this day about my hairy giraffe!
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