drink one for the kids!

sitting outside at one of our favorite neighborhood establishments enjoying a late lunch yesterday, the roommate and i began to notice how many small children there were in the space around us. there were babies, toddlers and strollers galore. mothers-to-be waddled down the street in their cute pregger gear while dads pulled kids in little red wagons. it was like a scene out of a modern day norman rockwell painting. and so the roommate and i began to lament about our singleness in a sea of young families in the mini-suburb our cute northside neighborhood has become. not that we mind it, you see, because if i were coupled and starting a family and wanting to live in the city, i would definitely choose this area to live and raise my kids. that said, to see all of these young men and women, happily populating the planet with offspring and going about their family activities makes some of the dwindling single population feel somewhat dejected, broody and a little bitter.

and so, to live in harmony with the coupleds and the marrieds and the children, the roommate and i have decided we should take these scenarios and add alcohol. lots of alcohol. because summer in chicago seems so fleeting and wonderful, everyone likes to enjoy the outside patios at the bars and restaurants, which means there is an abnormal number of children at places you would normally consider to be for the over-21 crowd. from the months of april to september, you will enjoy your beer with a side of screaming child. or you may be sipping wine next to an angelic baby sleeping in his or her stroller. sometimes you'll have a friendly toddler sidle up to your table and watch you with interest as you gulp your bloody mary like it is magic tonic to a life threatening illness.

so i propose a drinking game to go with the invasion of the children at my local pubs. it's a simple format - everyone at your table drinks when there are children or pregnant people in the immediate vicinity. the rules are as follows:

each baby = 1 drink

set of twins = 2 drinks

each pregnant woman = 1 drink

screaming baby = 2 drinks

each toddler = 2 drinks

toddler picking nose, eating food off the ground or other disgusting behavior = 3 drinks

parents there with children and drinking = 1 drink for each parent enjoying an adult bevvy

each time someone at your table "oohs", "ahhs" or otherwise coos over any child, regardless of child's age = 1 drink

toddler running around, causing chaos, with no reprimand from parents = 1 shot

we may add more as the spring and summer go on, but for now i think this is a pretty good start and a sure-fire way to get you nice and drinky on a sunny afternoon out with friends. this is also proof that i can turn just about anything into a drinking game. and i'm not sure if that's actually a good thing or not, but it makes mini-suburbia much more fun.