just one of those days

have you ever had one of those days where you seem to have stumbled into some kind of dark hole and you just can't quite claw your way back to the top and so you end up wasting hours feeling dejected, sad, lonely, weepy, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and restless? please say yes or i'm going to have myself committed immediately. yes? ok, whew. because that's the day i'm having today. no reason for it at all, really - slept in later than normal for a monday and had the glorious option to work from home. i sat in my pjs for half the day, sipping coffee and dealing with work at my leisure. outside the weather was as close to perfect as it will ever get - low 80s, cool breeze, no humidity and not a cloud in the sky. i sat outside devouring a new book and my lunch in this fantastic weather - something most people aren't lucky enough to do mid-day on a monday.

still, from the time i woke up this morning, i've felt like there's been a damp, dark cloud hovering over me, raining down a mist of gloom. i've spontaneously burst into tears 4 times today, yelled at the top of my lungs (thank god i was in the confines of my apartment and not overheard) at the construction noise outside to "just fucking stop for one fucking minute!!!", lost my cool when i couldn't get the dvd player to work and threw my cell phone in frustration, ignored incoming calls because i didn't want to talk to anyone but then paced around the apartment like a lost puppy because i was lonely, and basically proceeded to throw the biggest, most obnoxious pity party you can imagine.

it was just one of those days when i started feeling sorry for myself for being alone and since then self and i have been chipping away at our self-esteem and any shred of hope we may have had for actually finding someone to put up with our neuroses. we now effectively believe that no one of the male species would ever find us even remotely attractive (as illustrated by heinous trip to the grocery store where all men were there with cute, skinny blonds - no joke) and we will die alone. i'm going to have to get one of those pets that are trained to call 911 or press some emergency button when i fall and break my hip or pass out from too much wine and hit my head, leaving me in a pool of blood and on the verge of death. but that plan probably wouldn't work either, as i have horrible allergies and most of the pets that are trainable for those purposes would send me into the throws of a life-threatening asthma attack. six of one, half dozen of the other, i suppose. *sigh*

and so this is how it has gone today - woe is me, woe is me, woe is me. ugh. i'm so sick of myself right now i could puke. i apologize for ranting here and please don't call the police or my roommates to come check that i haven't managed to finally OD on ice cream and sex & the city. sometimes it just helps to type away and pour all of the gloomy feelings into my blog. if you stopped reading after the first sentence, good for you. if you stayed for the whole diatribe, thank you. i'll be better tomorrow. i promise.