the plus one conundrum

me:  so did you see the email about the wedding in september?

self:  yup.  mexico!  maybe we can lose some weight and get ourselves a little spray tan by then, eh?

me:  yes, we'll do that.  and get a great dress for the wedding and maybe stay a couple of extra days for fun!

self:  and have you thought about what else comes with this fabulous time?

me:  margaritas?

self:  yes.  and?

me:  beach wedding?

self:  yes....

me:  sun and food and music and an all-around good time?  and celebrating with our friend S? and maybe some really good guacamole?  ooh!  and maybe we can go back to fajita republic and --

self:  yeah, yeah, all of that.  think!  you're not thinking clearly.

me:  what?!  what are you talking about?  money issues?  because we have plenty of time to save up and the place is ALL INCLUSIVE!  fabulous!

self:  (big sigh and even bigger eyeroll)  two words - plus. one. 

me:  ohhhhhhhh..... that......

self:  yes, THAT.

me:  well, we go to weddings and stuff all the time without a plus one.  no big deal.

self:  we go to weddings where we have large groups of close friends or family who are also attending.  no need to have a plus one at those things, in fact we usually prefer it that way so we don't have to babysit a date and make sure he's having fun.  this is different.

me:  i cannot believe i'm going to say this, but you might be right. 

self:  holy crap.  put it on the calendar!  you admitted i was right!

me:  oh, calm down.  ok, let's think about this.  destination wedding where a few people i know will be invited, but may or may not attend.  bride and groom will be crazy busy the whole time.  i'm good at talking to people and having fun even if i don't really know the group, but for a whole weekend it would be great to have someone there with us who we know... 

self:  no kidding.  it gets pretty boring hanging out with just you. 

me:  shhhhhh.  ok, so what do we do?

self:  we have no choice.  the plus one challenge is on like donkey kong.  surely to god even you can find someone in the course of the next 10 months. 

me: gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.  sometimes i think you root for us to fail.

self:  (feigning shock) i would never do such a thing. 

me:  right....

self:  i'll be your personal cheerleader for this one.  just do not accept any help from our friend ann.  bless her heart, she tries - well, sorta.  mostly she likes to try to embarrass us and hook us up with the ickiest guys in the bar.  remember that one guy who started petting your hair?!  eeeek!!!

me:  yeah, that was pretty disturbing.  gross.  ok, so no help from ann unless she's going to actually help and not make a mockery of this. 

self:  agreed.  and anyone is fair game, so help from friends, roommates - ok, again with the exception of tim - work colleagues, etc. whoever has single, decent, available guys they can at least introduce us to must be drafted.

me:  ok, i guess we'll see how it goes.

self:  we'll do great!  just wait and see!

me:  wow.  that was actually supportive.  amazing.

self:  well, i figure if we don't succeed, there's always the option to rent an escort.

me:  and just when i thought i had you in my corner.... 

self:  let the games begin.