"dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you"

i woke up this morning in sheer panic. sweating, breathing heavily, heart racing. i sat straight up in my bed and, as i looked around my room, i realized the events that led to my panic had only been a dream. collapsing with relief, i replayed the events of my dream and decided that it had, in fact, been a nightmare.

from what i recall, the dream started as i attended my cousin's wedding. i'm not sure that it was the actual wedding, but maybe the rehearsal or some sort of pre-wedding party. everyone there was asking me when i was going to settle down and find someone and get married. as i fielded questions and defended my single life, i noticed that all of the girls showing up for the wedding/rehearsal/party thing were wearing wedding dresses. i was the only one not in a big fluffy white dress.

suddenly, i was vaulted to another situation where, apparently, it was my wedding day. i was in a car with my friends and we were trying to find somewhere to eat. we were driving through a mall parking lot and they decided to stop at a white castle (puke). we then went to some place with long, cafeteria-style tables, and they all sat down to eat. i needed to get ready so i wandered around trying to find a place to change. i ended up in the handicapped stall in some crowded public restroom, struggling to change without dropping anything in the toilet or drag the dress on the dirty floor. i remember the door wouldn't lock and the women in the restroom kept staring and whispering about me changing into my wedding dress.

next thing i know, i'm in the dress and at the scene of the ceremony. outside on the very green grounds of what may have been a country club of some sort, there was a large white tent erected and the wedding guests were milling around waiting for the nuptuals to begin. on closer inspection the guests were all of my ex boyfriends, hook-ups, dates, etc. there with their respective wives. i remember that i started sweating at this point and feeling very dizzy. the tent was at the top of a hill and i was to trudge up the hill during the wedding march to get to my future husband. i waited at the bottom for my dad to escort me, but he didn't come to get me i climbed up the hill to find out what was going on. my mom appeared holding my lip gloss and her cell phone and told me that my dad had been called into the hospital for an emergency (my father is NOT a doctor) and wouldn't be there to walk me down (up) the aisle. i began to hyperventilate and cry. i started running away and came to a huge inground pool. i crouched beside it to try to calm down and caught my reflection, in all my bridal glory, in the clear, cold water. i promptly threw up in the pool, effectively defiling the image of me as a bride. i threw my shoes into the pool and took off running again, down the hill, far, far away from the wedding.

and then, by the grace of god, i woke up. happy valentine's day. single is fabulous.