drink one for the kids!

sitting outside at one of our favorite neighborhood establishments enjoying a late lunch yesterday, the roommate and i began to notice how many small children there were in the space around us. there were babies, toddlers and strollers galore. mothers-to-be waddled down the street in their cute pregger gear while dads pulled kids in little red wagons. it was like a scene out of a modern day norman rockwell painting. and so the roommate and i began to lament about our singleness in a sea of young families in the mini-suburb our cute northside neighborhood has become. not that we mind it, you see, because if i were coupled and starting a family and wanting to live in the city, i would definitely choose this area to live and raise my kids. that said, to see all of these young men and women, happily populating the planet with offspring and going about their family activities makes some of the dwindling single population feel somewhat dejected, broody and a little bitter.

and so, to live in harmony with the coupleds and the marrieds and the children, the roommate and i have decided we should take these scenarios and add alcohol. lots of alcohol. because summer in chicago seems so fleeting and wonderful, everyone likes to enjoy the outside patios at the bars and restaurants, which means there is an abnormal number of children at places you would normally consider to be for the over-21 crowd. from the months of april to september, you will enjoy your beer with a side of screaming child. or you may be sipping wine next to an angelic baby sleeping in his or her stroller. sometimes you'll have a friendly toddler sidle up to your table and watch you with interest as you gulp your bloody mary like it is magic tonic to a life threatening illness.

so i propose a drinking game to go with the invasion of the children at my local pubs. it's a simple format - everyone at your table drinks when there are children or pregnant people in the immediate vicinity. the rules are as follows:

each baby = 1 drink

set of twins = 2 drinks

each pregnant woman = 1 drink

screaming baby = 2 drinks

each toddler = 2 drinks

toddler picking nose, eating food off the ground or other disgusting behavior = 3 drinks

parents there with children and drinking = 1 drink for each parent enjoying an adult bevvy

each time someone at your table "oohs", "ahhs" or otherwise coos over any child, regardless of child's age = 1 drink

toddler running around, causing chaos, with no reprimand from parents = 1 shot

we may add more as the spring and summer go on, but for now i think this is a pretty good start and a sure-fire way to get you nice and drinky on a sunny afternoon out with friends. this is also proof that i can turn just about anything into a drinking game. and i'm not sure if that's actually a good thing or not, but it makes mini-suburbia much more fun.

you'll thank me for this later

I saw this meme on The Noble Savage . The original authors of this exercise are Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, and Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.

Bold the true statements. You can explain further if you wish.

1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.I have two uncles who are doctors. One of my dad’s sister's is a professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Swimming lessons, tennis lessons, horseback riding lessons
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
thank you mom and dad!
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
didn't take many, but did stay in hotels when we visited florida, tennessee and vegas
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

to echo the noble savage, it is a nice reminder of the luxuries i had as a child to go through this meme. parents who read to me, payed for most of my education, encouraged me to take other courses and lessons, allowed me to have new clothes at the beginning of each school year and bought me a cute, used car when i turned 16.... wow. i'd say i had it pretty good growing up and looking back i see mom and dad were right - i AM thanking them for it all later. i just wish i had shown more appreciation for all they did for me at the time.

hoppy easter!

fun with cross stitch

creative cross stitch.....

(thanks to casi for enlightening me to the creative craft of subversive cross stitch!)

"...but i can use a bandsaw like a mo fo"

in yet another perfect example of how my lack of domesticity has been ingrained in my very being for 30 plus years, i was telling a story last night that actually caused me to utter the phrase in the title line of this post. yes, it's true - my bandsaw skills are pretty f'in good (or at least they were last time i put them to the test). my sewing skills? horrific, at best. case in point - the story i was recounting last night.....

when i was in seventh grade, we were required to take 9 weeks of industrial arts (woodworking) and 9 weeks of home economics (sewing). going in to these classes, the popular (stereotypical) assumption was that the girls would excel at the sewing class, while the boys would do better in woodworking, though as long as no one stabbed their hand with the electric sewing machine or lost a finger at the mercy of a table saw, the teachers didn't care one way or the other and yelled at us equally when our skills weren't up to par. woodworking came first for me and i actually did quite well, painstakingly cutting the shape of the state of indiana out of a piece of wood and turning it promptly into an IU clock. if you've never seen the state of indiana on a map, or have never had the misfortune to try to cut it out of wood, you should know that it has a lot of little curves and ridges at the bottom and actually makes for a tough pattern when trying to negotiate an electric saw to smoothly form the border. however, i cut out my great state with care and proudly shellacked the hell out of it once it was sanded smooth. bless my parents for hanging it up - though i think it found a home in the seldom used den.

so with great accomplishment i completed my industrial arts project earlier than most of the class. rather than take on another project, i was enlisted by my friend ben to help him with his own indiana-shaped clock. poor thing just couldn't seem to cut out the bottom border with all of its curves. his block of wood looked more like he had hacked at it with a tiny axe than run the blade of the saw around it. so, i stepped in with my newfound woodworking ability and helped him salvage his project. and because of me, my friend ben got a respectable B on his project and told me he owed me. i shrugged it off, thinking that i was now the master of all things industrial art-ish and i wouldn't need to call in that favor. boy, was i wrong.

nine weeks of sewing followed the woodworking class and i found that my sewing skills weren't nearly as quick to emerge as my woodworking skills. in fact, they never actually emerged at all. one of the first things we did was write our names in large script across a sheet of notebook paper and then we had to use the sewing machine to trace our name. granted, i think i got screwed because my name was 6 loooooong letters, but i was determined to do this. at the end of the class, i was sweating and annoyed and my sheet of notebook paper looked like a small animal had chewed its was across it, rather than having my name perfectly punched out across the page like most of my classmates. this gave me cause for alarm. i knew the next 9 weeks would not be nearly as fun as industrial arts. we made potholders, which i managed to muddle through well enough. then came the big dog. it was time to make the pillow. i chose a square pillow in some god-awful royal blue furry material and went to town. i would sew, pick up the material, realize it was crooked, and start over. a useful little tool called the seam ripper became my best friend. i sewed and sewed, watching with panic as my fellow domestic engineers hummed away at their machines, neatly putting together pillows of many sizes, shapes and colors. in choosing to do a square pillow, i also was forced to sew an applique of letters or numbers onto the front, so that the project proved as difficult as those of various shapes that other students had chosen. barely able to sew straight lines to put the pillow together, i had no idea how i was going to be able to get the 9 and 5 (yes, i put my high school graduation year on the pillow) to appear without the use of super glue.

and that's when i remembered that my friend ben owed me a favor. looking to see how he was progressing one day near the end of the 9 weeks, i was amazed to see that not only had he finished his project, but he was also working on an additional small project to while away his time. and so there i went, over to cash in on that favor. sneakily, we managed to finish my pillow with him doing most of the work to apply the numbers to the front and i stuffed the monstrosity with relief. i had barely hand stitched the closing when the deadline hit and projects had to be turned in. somehow i managed to get an A in the class, if for no other reason than my teacher watched me in so much exasperation that maybe she felt sorry for me. as that particular teacher was not known as one to show sympathy, however, i also have to give ben his fair share of credit for my grade.

and so it went - the tennis-playing, cheerleading, girly-girl and the football QB, star wrestler and all-around jock sawed and sewed their way to good grades and respectable projects, managing to break down a few stereotypes in the process.

to this day i can't sew on a button. stitch witchery saves my life (and the hems of my pants) and i'm more than happy to pay my neighborhood cleaners to bail me out of any repair work that any of my clothing needs. could i still cut a chunk of wood into the state of indiana if i had the saw and the materials? like a mo fo.

fun with signs

ignorance is bliss

conversation yesterday morning (2/13) with roommate regarding whether or not she should meet up with a guy that night for a drink:

her: "yeah, but he emailed me today and asked if tonight was ok for grabbing a drink. isn't that kind of rushing?"

me: "eh, well, the problem is that you're now close to the weekend and if you put him off and don't want to waste a weekend night on him, you're looking at next week. probably better to just get it over with."

her: "yeah, i know. i don't want to make plans for the weekend and i'm definitely NOT going to go out with him tomorrow night."

me: "no kidding. tomorrow is "LOST" night!"

her: "um, i was talking about the whole valentine's day thing...."

me: oh yeah. that.


clearly vday is not high on my priority list. in fact, the only list it takes any high priority on is my shitlist. if i have to hear that fucking "every kiss begins with k" jingle one more time, i may hurt someone or something (most likely my tv).

happy pointless, overrated, card-company made-up holiday day!