Apr 27, 2010

swiss army who?

it's no secret that the swiss army knife has been known for decades as the ultimate pocket tool.  it can basically mcgyver you out of any situation where you may need to cut, slice, unscrew, file or tweeze your way to freedom.  since 1897 the swiss army knife has become well-known in more than 100 countries for precision, quality, functionality and versatility and is held as the premier all-in-one multi-tool, second to none. 

however, seeing as how i must have misplaced my swiss army knife back in the early 80s, i have turned many times to an alternate and - dare i say it? - possibly more useful jack-of-all-trades.  most of you know this helper well and probably have one residing in your home at this very moment.  if you're like me, you may have 3, even 4 of these handy little things at a moment's reach.  without further ado....

the wine key.

in addition to the obvious super power of neatly opening a bottle of wine, the wine key is also useful for:
- acting as a screw driver (i did indeed remove a towel bar and toilet paper holder from my bathroom wall with a wine key just the other day)
- prying open bottles and aluminum can tabs
- punching holes in plastic seals
- slicing through packing tape on sealed boxes
- scratching off lottery tickets
- scraping gum off one's shoe
- popping balloons
- slicing cheese (only recommended if blade has not been used for other uses on this list, i.e. scraping gum off shoes, etc.)
- prying staples out of paper
- resetting digital watch (tip of the corkscrew works amazingly well for this)
- curling ribbon on gifts
- peeling fruit (see stipulation above with slicing cheese)
- cleaning under nails (gross, but could be necessary in certain situations)
- as a weapon

i'm sure there are many more uses, but my point is this - who needs a swiss army knife when you have a wine key?!  so, to the wine key - i salute you and your many uses.  you have become my favorite household item (as if you weren't already).  i'm sure it's just a matter of time before susan komen snaps you up for a breast cancer promotion.  (that was for gary)

Apr 12, 2010

tip for the single guy - how to alienate women and go home alone

i was out on saturday night for my good friend's bachelorette party.  after a lot of time spent at a local jazz club, we headed on to another bar, one that stays open til the wee hours of the morning and is a popular place for ending the night.  i was sitting at a table just taking in the scene and having a quiet moment when a guy staggered over and started talking to me.  this is how it went:

dude:  you don't look like you're having fun.

me:  i am.  this is me having fun.

dude:  oh, come on.  come to the bar with me and let me buy you a drink.

me (never one to turn down free alcohol):  ok, fine.

at the bar after ordering and telling him my name, which by the way he thought was "ariel" but i didn't bother to correct him:

dude:  so, you're like a LOT older than me, aren't you?

me (choking on my drink):  wow.  here's some advice - don't say that to a girl. EVER.  thanks for the drink!

i walked back to the table shaking my head.  ok, i know i am no longer in my 20s but it wasn't like this guy was that much younger, probably 27 or 28.  he was definitely old enough to know that if you're hitting on a girl at a bar, you probably don't want to tell her that she looks as old as your mom.  just sayin. 

Apr 5, 2010

new digs

i spent my weekend moving into a new apartment.  i have gone from years of living with great roommates to living all on my own....finally.  (shedding a tear)  i'm so excited to have my own place but i feel like i'm living in the middle of a national disaster area at the moment.  so, here are some pics of my new place before my stuff and i moved in.  more to come after all is put away, organized and decorated!

archway looking from living room to front door

living room

dining room

kitchen (with brand new tile, granite counter tops and appliances!  who would have thought i'd get so excited about those things??)

bathroom (also all new)

and of course, the first items to be unpacked.  cheers!