Dec 4, 2008
Nov 30, 2008
Nov 26, 2008
self: don't trip, for god's sake. seriously do NOT trip.
me: totally ignoring you right now.
self: ok, we're almost there. firm handshake, then smile pretty for the camera
me: (reaching out to shake CEO's hand) i've done this a million times. don't talk to me.
self: ok, fine. just get in the group pic with the CEO and the other 2 execs and smile.
me: stop annoying me. i know how to hold a huge cardboard check and smile.
self: ok, ok. oh wait, picture lady wants you to move forward a litte. better hold that check at the side and the bottom.
me: ok, ok. i'm not going to drop the f'ing check. i'll just step forward.....
self: oh my god. you did not just do that.
me: yeah, pretty sure i did.
self: you realize that when you stepped forward, the CEO did too, and you grazed his....
me: yes! i know. i may have accidentally brushed him with my hand in an inappropriate place.
self: ha ha!!! you touched his penis!! how embarrassing!!!
me: it was an accident!!
self: wow. you get an $11,000 check and you cop a feel. nice. classy.
me: please shut up.
self: i just hope that look on your face got caught on camera! see if we get invited back next time!
me: walking back to chair now and pretending that did NOT happen.
self: live in denial. fine with me.
me: you're enjoying this too much.
self: you should have just tripped. would have been less embarrassing.
me: i hate you.
Nov 25, 2008
Nov 12, 2008
the more i thought about the last few months, the more i realized that many things and people near and dear to me had changed. one friend became a new wife, my sister became a mother for the second time, my niece became a big sister, other friends became pet owners and car owners. some started new relationships, some ended old ones. new jobs, new apartments and new experiences were the norm. this autumn has been nothing short of - appropriately so - a time for turning over new leaves.
on a grand scale, we saw the election of the first african-american president, a man who is promising change and hope to a country starved for better government and leadership. i attended the rally fondly referred to by chicagoans as "obamapalooza" on election night and i still cannot find the appropriate words to describe the atmosphere among the hundreds of thousands gathered there in grant park that night. it was exciting, motivating, inspiring, and moving. people were cheering, crying, chanting and celebrating. saying i'm not sure that it will ever be possible again in my lifetime to feel that sense of camaraderie is probably a gross understatement.
as we all make changes in our lives and our new leaders strive to provoke change throughout our country, let's keep in mind that change is a good thing. with change comes hope - hope for a better life, a better future, a better understanding of each other and ourselves.
Nov 3, 2008
don't forget to vote!!!
Nov 2, 2008
Sep 29, 2008
to view parts of the actual couric/palin interview, click here, here and don't forget here
Aug 16, 2008
Aug 11, 2008
still, from the time i woke up this morning, i've felt like there's been a damp, dark cloud hovering over me, raining down a mist of gloom. i've spontaneously burst into tears 4 times today, yelled at the top of my lungs (thank god i was in the confines of my apartment and not overheard) at the construction noise outside to "just fucking stop for one fucking minute!!!", lost my cool when i couldn't get the dvd player to work and threw my cell phone in frustration, ignored incoming calls because i didn't want to talk to anyone but then paced around the apartment like a lost puppy because i was lonely, and basically proceeded to throw the biggest, most obnoxious pity party you can imagine.
it was just one of those days when i started feeling sorry for myself for being alone and since then self and i have been chipping away at our self-esteem and any shred of hope we may have had for actually finding someone to put up with our neuroses. we now effectively believe that no one of the male species would ever find us even remotely attractive (as illustrated by heinous trip to the grocery store where all men were there with cute, skinny blonds - no joke) and we will die alone. i'm going to have to get one of those pets that are trained to call 911 or press some emergency button when i fall and break my hip or pass out from too much wine and hit my head, leaving me in a pool of blood and on the verge of death. but that plan probably wouldn't work either, as i have horrible allergies and most of the pets that are trainable for those purposes would send me into the throws of a life-threatening asthma attack. six of one, half dozen of the other, i suppose. *sigh*
and so this is how it has gone today - woe is me, woe is me, woe is me. ugh. i'm so sick of myself right now i could puke. i apologize for ranting here and please don't call the police or my roommates to come check that i haven't managed to finally OD on ice cream and sex & the city. sometimes it just helps to type away and pour all of the gloomy feelings into my blog. if you stopped reading after the first sentence, good for you. if you stayed for the whole diatribe, thank you. i'll be better tomorrow. i promise.
Aug 6, 2008
still, what a pain in the ass. now i have to wait 5-7 days for a new debit card, change any recurring payments i have set up to that card and basically keep a leary eye on my account for fear of being ripped off again.
it was only about 5 or 6 weeks ago that i had money stolen out of my wallet by catering staff at a work event and now someone has gotten my debit card number and had no qualms about turning my hard-earned dollars into pesos for him/herself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
Jul 30, 2008
Jul 23, 2008
Jul 22, 2008
1) throw up
2) put on socks
3) curl my toes in disgust for the remainder of the day
4) find someone who actually paid for this and smack them
5) contact the health department
6) immediately email everyone i know and gross them out, too
7) did i mention throwing up?
now you're curious, so here ya go....
The rules are simple: one word answers to 40 questions.
Where is your cell phone? desk
Your significant other? imaginary
Your hair? ponytail
Your mother? smart
Your father? funny
Your favorite time of day? 5:00
Your dream last night? insane
Your favourite drink? coffee
Your dream goal? happiness
The room you’re in? cubicle
Your ex? ugh
Your fear? drowning
Where do you want to be in six years? successful
What are you not? argumentative
Your favourite meal? sushi
One of your wish list items? iphone
The last thing you did? emailed
Where you grew up? mayberry
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV is? off
Your pets? none
Your computer? charging
Your life? satisfactory
Your mood? pensive
Missing someone? sis
Your car? parked
Something you’re not wearing? lotion
Favorite store? target
Your summer? fabulous
Your favourite colour? blue
When is the last time you laughed? today
When is the last time you cried? today
Your health? fine
Your children? none
Your future? bright
Your beliefs? liberal
Young or old? young
Your image? diplomatic
Your appearance? normal
Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? absolutely
Jun 30, 2008
what was i doing 10 years ago?
good question. i was probably drunk. just kidding. (sorta) ten years ago i was at IU, most likely taking a summer course or two and trying to figure out what i wanted to be when i grew up. here it is, 2008 and i'm still waiting for that epiphany to hit...
5 things on my to-do list today
1. upload flip cup and pride photos and send out to the masses
2. play tennis
3. hang up the pile of laundry in my room
4. balance my checkbook
5. eat something - anything - healthy
snacks i enjoy
mexican corn dip
cold stone creamery coffee ice cream with fudge and oreos
strawberries with fat free cool whip
cherry tomatoes and hummus
places i have lived, in order
charlotte, north carolina
5 things i would do today if i were a billionaire
1. pay off all debt for myself, close friends and family
2. start my own non-profit foundation
3. buy a flat in london so i could go visit my sis whenever i want
4. buy 2 places in chicago - one for me and one for my guests
5. invest in funds for my parents' retirement, my own, and my nieces and nephews schooling
i tag rachel, amity and jenny for this thing!
Jun 29, 2008
1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998 )
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988 )
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994)
21. Schindler’s List (1993)
22. Rushmore (1998 )
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Alien (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988 )
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995) 4
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988 )
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988 )
53. The Truman Show (1998 )
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985)
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)
not too shabby, but it looks like i have a big list of movies to get caught up on when i'm holed up in my apartment this winter!
Jun 6, 2008
girl 1: “oh my god. there is NO way you are older than me. i think i’m the oldest person on our team.”
girl 2: “i don’t know about that…. i’m sure i’m older than you”
girl 1: “no way. i mean, i’m 23 and i don’t know anyone older”
girl 2: “yeah, i’m definitely older than you. believe me, i’m old.”
girl 1: “it’s not like you’re 25 or something! come on!”
at this point i turned and bitch slapped this girl. (ok, not really, but i wanted to)
girl 2: “no, i’m 24, but i’m turning 25 in october! Ugh!”
another bitch slap.
girl 1: “oh, that’s still MONTHS away! you definitely do not look 25, trust me. you look young!”
and yes, bitch slap #3.
girl 2: “thanks. oh my god. how much sugar are you putting in that?!”
(at this point both have gotten their iced coffees and are at behind me at the counter adding sugar and milk)
girl 1: giggling “oh i like to put a lot of sugar and a lot of milk. you know, so it doesn’t even taste like coffee!”
girl 2: “ooohhh. good idea!”
and off they went to drink their non-coffee tasting sugary milk drinks and lament about having one foot in the grave at the ripe old ages of 23 and 24. it’s a good thing that in my 30s i have the inner peace and strength to refrain from yelling at and/or inflicting violence upon idiot stick figures with no soul. i returned to my desk and decided not too long after to pack it in for the day and head home. after all, us senior citizens need our rest.
Apr 21, 2008
and so, to live in harmony with the coupleds and the marrieds and the children, the roommate and i have decided we should take these scenarios and add alcohol. lots of alcohol. because summer in chicago seems so fleeting and wonderful, everyone likes to enjoy the outside patios at the bars and restaurants, which means there is an abnormal number of children at places you would normally consider to be for the over-21 crowd. from the months of april to september, you will enjoy your beer with a side of screaming child. or you may be sipping wine next to an angelic baby sleeping in his or her stroller. sometimes you'll have a friendly toddler sidle up to your table and watch you with interest as you gulp your bloody mary like it is magic tonic to a life threatening illness.
so i propose a drinking game to go with the invasion of the children at my local pubs. it's a simple format - everyone at your table drinks when there are children or pregnant people in the immediate vicinity. the rules are as follows:
each baby = 1 drink
set of twins = 2 drinks
each pregnant woman = 1 drink
screaming baby = 2 drinks
each toddler = 2 drinks
toddler picking nose, eating food off the ground or other disgusting behavior = 3 drinks
parents there with children and drinking = 1 drink for each parent enjoying an adult bevvy
each time someone at your table "oohs", "ahhs" or otherwise coos over any child, regardless of child's age = 1 drink
toddler running around, causing chaos, with no reprimand from parents = 1 shot
we may add more as the spring and summer go on, but for now i think this is a pretty good start and a sure-fire way to get you nice and drinky on a sunny afternoon out with friends. this is also proof that i can turn just about anything into a drinking game. and i'm not sure if that's actually a good thing or not, but it makes mini-suburbia much more fun.
Apr 16, 2008
Bold the true statements. You can explain further if you wish.
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.I have two uncles who are doctors. One of my dad’s sister's is a professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
9. Were read children’s books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Swimming lessons, tennis lessons, horseback riding lessons
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
thank you mom and dad!
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
didn't take many, but did stay in hotels when we visited florida, tennessee and vegas
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family
to echo the noble savage, it is a nice reminder of the luxuries i had as a child to go through this meme. parents who read to me, payed for most of my education, encouraged me to take other courses and lessons, allowed me to have new clothes at the beginning of each school year and bought me a cute, used car when i turned 16.... wow. i'd say i had it pretty good growing up and looking back i see mom and dad were right - i AM thanking them for it all later. i just wish i had shown more appreciation for all they did for me at the time.
Mar 19, 2008
Mar 18, 2008
when i was in seventh grade, we were required to take 9 weeks of industrial arts (woodworking) and 9 weeks of home economics (sewing). going in to these classes, the popular (stereotypical) assumption was that the girls would excel at the sewing class, while the boys would do better in woodworking, though as long as no one stabbed their hand with the electric sewing machine or lost a finger at the mercy of a table saw, the teachers didn't care one way or the other and yelled at us equally when our skills weren't up to par. woodworking came first for me and i actually did quite well, painstakingly cutting the shape of the state of indiana out of a piece of wood and turning it promptly into an IU clock. if you've never seen the state of indiana on a map, or have never had the misfortune to try to cut it out of wood, you should know that it has a lot of little curves and ridges at the bottom and actually makes for a tough pattern when trying to negotiate an electric saw to smoothly form the border. however, i cut out my great state with care and proudly shellacked the hell out of it once it was sanded smooth. bless my parents for hanging it up - though i think it found a home in the seldom used den.
so with great accomplishment i completed my industrial arts project earlier than most of the class. rather than take on another project, i was enlisted by my friend ben to help him with his own indiana-shaped clock. poor thing just couldn't seem to cut out the bottom border with all of its curves. his block of wood looked more like he had hacked at it with a tiny axe than run the blade of the saw around it. so, i stepped in with my newfound woodworking ability and helped him salvage his project. and because of me, my friend ben got a respectable B on his project and told me he owed me. i shrugged it off, thinking that i was now the master of all things industrial art-ish and i wouldn't need to call in that favor. boy, was i wrong.
nine weeks of sewing followed the woodworking class and i found that my sewing skills weren't nearly as quick to emerge as my woodworking skills. in fact, they never actually emerged at all. one of the first things we did was write our names in large script across a sheet of notebook paper and then we had to use the sewing machine to trace our name. granted, i think i got screwed because my name was 6 loooooong letters, but i was determined to do this. at the end of the class, i was sweating and annoyed and my sheet of notebook paper looked like a small animal had chewed its was across it, rather than having my name perfectly punched out across the page like most of my classmates. this gave me cause for alarm. i knew the next 9 weeks would not be nearly as fun as industrial arts. we made potholders, which i managed to muddle through well enough. then came the big dog. it was time to make the pillow. i chose a square pillow in some god-awful royal blue furry material and went to town. i would sew, pick up the material, realize it was crooked, and start over. a useful little tool called the seam ripper became my best friend. i sewed and sewed, watching with panic as my fellow domestic engineers hummed away at their machines, neatly putting together pillows of many sizes, shapes and colors. in choosing to do a square pillow, i also was forced to sew an applique of letters or numbers onto the front, so that the project proved as difficult as those of various shapes that other students had chosen. barely able to sew straight lines to put the pillow together, i had no idea how i was going to be able to get the 9 and 5 (yes, i put my high school graduation year on the pillow) to appear without the use of super glue.
and that's when i remembered that my friend ben owed me a favor. looking to see how he was progressing one day near the end of the 9 weeks, i was amazed to see that not only had he finished his project, but he was also working on an additional small project to while away his time. and so there i went, over to cash in on that favor. sneakily, we managed to finish my pillow with him doing most of the work to apply the numbers to the front and i stuffed the monstrosity with relief. i had barely hand stitched the closing when the deadline hit and projects had to be turned in. somehow i managed to get an A in the class, if for no other reason than my teacher watched me in so much exasperation that maybe she felt sorry for me. as that particular teacher was not known as one to show sympathy, however, i also have to give ben his fair share of credit for my grade.
and so it went - the tennis-playing, cheerleading, girly-girl and the football QB, star wrestler and all-around jock sawed and sewed their way to good grades and respectable projects, managing to break down a few stereotypes in the process.
to this day i can't sew on a button. stitch witchery saves my life (and the hems of my pants) and i'm more than happy to pay my neighborhood cleaners to bail me out of any repair work that any of my clothing needs. could i still cut a chunk of wood into the state of indiana if i had the saw and the materials? like a mo fo.
Feb 14, 2008
her: "yeah, but he emailed me today and asked if tonight was ok for grabbing a drink. isn't that kind of rushing?"
me: "eh, well, the problem is that you're now close to the weekend and if you put him off and don't want to waste a weekend night on him, you're looking at next week. probably better to just get it over with."
her: "yeah, i know. i don't want to make plans for the weekend and i'm definitely NOT going to go out with him tomorrow night."
me: "no kidding. tomorrow is "LOST" night!"
her: "um, i was talking about the whole valentine's day thing...."
me: oh yeah. that.
clearly vday is not high on my priority list. in fact, the only list it takes any high priority on is my shitlist. if i have to hear that fucking "every kiss begins with k" jingle one more time, i may hurt someone or something (most likely my tv).
happy pointless, overrated, card-company made-up holiday day!