let's hear it for the boy

recently, the today show did a segment focusing on one man's decision to have a vasectomy at the ripe old age of 28. he is now 30 and happy as a clam with his decision to thwart those baby-making sperm of his before they manage to wiggle their way to any ready-and-waiting fertile eggs. he cites his decision as one made after much thought and soul searching over the last several years. making a conscious choice to not have children and to undergo a procedure to ensure that decision is upheld makes mr. byrum both a hero and a villain in our antiquated, patriarchal society.

after the segment aired, the today show posted the synopsis of the story on its website and also opened a blog forum for comments on the issue. after reading through these comments, i was somewhat appalled and saddened, though not surprised, to find that people are judging mr. byrum as a selfish, irresponsible kid who has made a decision to piss off god and society as a whole (ok, maybe not quite that rash, but you get the idea) simply because he is choosing not to have children and has taken the next step to prevent that from happening. what is wrong with this decision?! apparently, a lot. here are some snippets of wisdom from those who disagree with mr. byrum's decision about his own life and future: (i've taken the liberty of highlighting those pieces i found most annoying, er, interesting)

Selfish generation - this is another indication of the complete lack of responsibility that this generation is chasing....what a lazy dope - when he can use a condom but is willing to cut off any loving women who want children! I want to ask him who will take care of him when he is old and in a nursing home and wishing he had a child who would be sure he could live out his life in comfort and safely and feel that someone truly cared for him - he will reflect back and realize what a foolish, selfish decision he made at such a young age...I feel sorry for him!

My husband didn't want children at the age of 27 when we got married but after having his first he was never the same. The magnitude of it all really hit him. Now, after FIVE children, his whole life revolves around his kids. We have so much fun doing things together. There has never been anything more selfless nor rewarding as having a family and the love I feel for my husband has grown with each child... Being a good parent really means more than anything else you will ever accomplish in this life.

I am a licensed psychotherapist in MA., and can't help but wonder how much a toxic dose of narcissism fuels Todd's choice. (Baggage from childhood too much or not enough mirroring by his parents??)His choice has set the groundwork for him to focus his energy on pursuits and achievements at the expense of meaningful (and sometimes messy)relationships, but what about generativity (giving back to the world)? His choice and apparent lack of ultruism can result in a lonely old man, with nothing meaningful to review when it comes time to do his end of life stage of life emotional reflection. I do not see his sense of spirituality...is he spiritually bankrupt? I feel saddened for not just his choice about vasectomy, but his focus on self! Leaving a legacy does not only mean having children, but giving back to the world for the next generation. I didn't hear him discuss his ultruistic pursuits, only his "lifestyle"... Being blessed with a spouse and family does not happen to all who hope for it, but he may want to consider his human need for generativity, and spirituality. Todd needs to grasp the mind, body, and spirit that makes up each person and develop each of these parts of himself. It's not all about him, I guess. I hope he doesn't wait to long to discover this

I think Mr. Byrum's decision is a testament to the selfishness of many people in today's society

clearly, there are many recurrent themes at work here.
1) if you choose not to have a child, you are a selfish human being, even though it is extremely selfish of others to expect you to have a child when you don't want one.
2) choosing to be childfree means you care nothing about contributing to future generations. forget the fact that you have nieces, nephews, children of friends, and other kids in your life to help mentor and take interest in
3) if you do not want children, you are spiritually bankrupt. i wasn't aware that children were a prerequisite to spirituality. i bet jesus feels like a failure.
4) nothing you accomplish in your career, social life, philanthropic efforts, faith, and family ties will ever equate to the ultimate success of being a parent, even if parenthood is not a factor in the goals you have for yourself. clearly, you need to add it to the list.
5) my personal favorite - you will die old and alone with your bedsores and dementia in a rotting shack because you chose not to propagate the species and bear spawn simply for the cause of having someone to take care of you on your deathbed. sorry, but by not having children i will save money on diapers, clothing, cars, tuition, books, medical bills, gifts, etc. and will take those funds, build myself a nice little nest egg and retire in style with a hot caretaker.

before i start getting comments about how anti-child i sound, let me just add a few more points. i have the utmost respect for those who have children. i doubt there can be a tougher job than being a round-the-clock parent. but, if i have respect for those who choose to have children, i expect that same respect in return. if i choose not to have children, that doesn't make me a cold, selfish bitch, incapable of all emotion and spirituality. it simply makes me a woman exercising my right to live my life without children of my own, as mr. byrum has. i find it refreshing and liberating to know that women and men alike have taken more responsibility in determining whether they want their lives with or without children. so many people assume, or expect actually, that children are the next step in life - after marriage of course - that they fail to try to understand why anyone would want to spend their life any other way. better to know you are making the conscious decision to bypass parenthood than have children out of - what are we calling it these days? - social responsibility? generativity? moral obligation?

i say, respect the decision, whatever that may be. it's a personal decision and no one else should be able to judge someone for that. if you want a litter of kids, that's fine with me. please just don't give me that pitying look and that smile that says "you'll change your mind one day. i know you will." when i tell you i have no desire to have children of my own. next thing i know, you'll be patting me on the head and giving me a cookie. childfree people are not children, we are adults. adults who are perfectly capable of deciding whether our reproductive organs will be put to use for procreation or just plain fun. either way, please respect my decision and i won't give you that pitying look and the smile that says "admit it. you're jealous that i have all the freedom in the world. you'd trade in your rugrats for a week of alone time in the tropics in a heartbeat." capiche?