after multiple years of visiting my sister and fam in the london area, i've finally worked out why they keep inviting me back each christmas. last night as i stepped back and surveyed the dining room table loaded with presents i had just spend the better part of two hours wrapping, i realized i've been recruited each year to fly over and act as bartender/sweatshop present wrapper. they don't even pay me! i have to work in terrible conditions - big table upon which to wrap, unlimited paper and supplies, constantly filled wine glass with music playing in the background. if i'm very good and don't ask for bandages for my bleeding papercuts, they may throw me a scrap of chocolate or a bailey's and coffee. sometimes my sister or brother-in-law actually pops in to check my progress and has a word or two with me, usually cracking the proverbial whip to ensure i'm not slacking off. my parents are even in on the deal, sending loads of unwrapped gifts over here, knowing i'll do all the wrapping for them. jeez.
and the bartending! man, oh man. the nerve of them to think i'll just swoop in, fight through my jetlag and produce perfect cocktails on demand. i tell you, being supplied with cases of wine, ingredients for cosmos and other drinks, bubbly and beer is just terrible. terrible and inhumane, i tell you. i mean, who can be expected to drink night after night while enjoying delicious dinner after delicious dinner, all prepared for me? really, they should look into better treatment of their guests. i mean, they only keep the kids from jumping on me until about 9am - don't they know i sleep til 10? ugh. i really must complain to management about these conditions.
until then, i'll put on my elf hat, mix a drink and wrap away. maybe next year they'll look into getting me an assistant.
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2 comments:
although the working conditions do sound awful, i think i'd be willing to leave the flying public behind for a week or two to work as your assistant.
Your father may be able to come up with a suitable compensation package for you to come home and wrap his gifts. He had to do them all by himself this year. Even little homemade gits tags cut out of non-matching wrapping paper. Bless his heart. Your skills are greatly missed here.
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