Y, oh Y?!!

this entry is dedicated to the sheer idiocy of the Y chromosome. male readers, i apologize in advance. (not really, but i felt as though i should at least say that) self and i are in agreement on this particular subject, so we will be speaking as one, whole, coherent person, rather than in sybil-esque dialogue.

self: i would like to preface this by saying we don't hate men, we hate the way they behave. ok, drag out the soapbox....

i find it interesting - in the way a child finds it interesting to flip a bug on it's back and watch it squirm and fight to right itself - to observe the communication and social interaction skills of the male species. when cornered into a real, adult conversation, you can literally see the squirming begin. squirming is often accompanied by sweating and/or nervous gestures. after the initial physical oddities begin (try not to stare or giggle at the discomfort factor unfolding in front of your very eyes), said male will likely lapse into one, or a combination of, the following:

a) profuse apologizing, with no real idea why they are doing so or for what issue/action/behavior they are apologizing
b) profuse excuse-making, thus countering every single thing we say with a reason, excuse, or some moronic commentary as to why they act like they have the brain cells of a cockroach
c) profuse lying (no explanation needed)
d) profuse stubbornness, showing absolutely no remorse for annoying/hurtful/unfair behavior, followed by refusal to compromise on any reasonable resolution
e) profuse self-deprecation, a particularly interesting approach to not only trying to excuse their idiotic behavior, but also make us feel sorry for them because apparently, they are beyond the realm of rational thought and simply cannot help but do the wrong thing in every given situation; may be accompanied by the phrase "you deserve so much better" or "i'm just not good enough for you" with head hung and pathetic self-loathing oozing out of every pore
f) profuse avoidance, a phenomenon that typically occurs before the male is trapped like a bug under a magnifying glass, but may also happen during conversation. this behavior is exhibited by change of subject, placing time restrictions on the talk, or by simply refusing to communicate (mental image of bratty child with crossed arms and pouty face, stomping foot and saying "NO!")
g) profuse affection, in hopes that hugging us, kissing us, telling us all the good things about us will work in one or more ways, i.e. we realize how sweet and lovable they are and decide to forgive and forget right there on the spot, they at least soften us up so that the discussion is tipped more in their favor, or the conversation is temporarily forgotten and they get laid. i'm guessing the ulterior motive is most often that of the third outcome
h) profuse table-turning, a low blow by all means, but also a frequently-utlized defense during which the male will turn his behavior around on the female, making all of the problems, issues, etc. appear to be her fault with his actions being the result of her own behavior. this approach is not without risk - performed unsuccessfully, the male may unknowingly incur a wrath he is fully unprepared for. not for the faint of heart, and probably occurs more in relationships in which the male has exhausted options a-g ad nauseum

i have no idea why the male species reacts to rational, adult conversation with the behaviors above. it is truly a mystery to me. while interesting to observe, it is an exhausting and frustrating thing to encounter time and time again. occasionally, self and i are fooled into thinking there may be a man that has come along who will not resort to such behavior. and we are always, without question, no matter who the male is or in what capacity he is involved in our lives, dead wrong.