should i stay or should i go?

coming back from a visit with my sister in london always leaves me feeling sad and somewhat wishing i lived there across the great pond. this visit, however, the feeling is even stronger due, of course, to meeting my niece. so, i've been seriously considering the question in the title of this entry - should i stay or should i go?

i love chicago and i know that this city is where i will end up for good - eventually. that said, i feel like i'm coming to a crossroads of sorts within the next year. my living situation has changed and i will be moving at the end of may, whether with a roommate, on my own, or somewhere else entirely, i don't know yet. my job is great and i love what i do, but i also look at it as a stepping stone to something bigger - within the organization i work with now or somewhere else, i don't know. i have fantastic friends here and across the country that have always been there for me regardless of situation or distance. that said, all of these friends are starting to settle down with their significant others - dating seriously, moving in together, getting engaged and married. i know, i know - there are precious few of us singletons still out there and there may be a few newly coupled friends that would go kicking and screaming against my comment about them "settling down," but for the most part this is true. my group of friends has managed to meet a group of great people to share their lives with and i look at it as gaining more friends, rather than losing the ones i have to coupledom.

so here i am in a city i love, but would be willing to leave for a bit. in a job i love, but would be open to the possibility of using what i have learned there to move on. with friends i love that are finding their own lives and who i know i will keep in touch with, no matter where i live or what is going on in our lives. with no one special that i want to spend my immediate future with and looking at that as freedom rather than rejection. at a point where i can go where i want, do what i want, meet new people, try new things, and figure out what i really want to do with my life.

there may come a point when i don't have this freedom, for whatever reason. maybe because i buy a place in chicago and am bound here because of that. maybe i get to a position in my career where i simply cannot up and move and do something new. maybe i actually meet someone and want to stay here. or, god forbid, someone close to me falls ill and i need to stay to be with them. but now, at this point in my life, 7 short months before i - gasp!! - turn 30, i'm considering chucking it all and finding a way to move to england to be close to my sister and niece. selfishly, i would also be doing it to live in a different culture, learn and see new things, and be able to actually travel around europe, as well.

would i miss the states, chicago, my friends and family? of course i would. would i love living in or near london, spending lots of time with my sister and niece and be excited to meet new friends? of course i would. the truth is, i don't know if there's a place for me here right now. i'm getting restless with the pattern my life has fallen into. it's not a bad thing, it's just not as fulfilling as i want it to be. i feel like maybe there's something out there that i'm missing. i'm not sure what that is, but i have this voice in my head (no, not self or any other weird alter ego), maybe just my spirit, telling me that it may be time to move on, to try something, somewhere new.